I first wrote this in a private but political letter to a leading comrade in my party. I will disclose the full details of this (i.e. who my correspondant was and in what capacity I wrote it when i’m in a position to reveal this. I’m not at present due to an investigation currently in progress. I will reveal both my real name, my assailant’s name in due course, please be assured. I’m a member of the Socialist Party England and Wales / C.W.I. and I write in a personal capacity only.
I have edited the text to remove certain private details about my experiences and my family and I will name my attacker when certain processes currently taking place are finished.
Now
I wrote the following statement, on the 26th March 2013. I’m pleased to report now that my health is already considering improving with really too many people to thank such as has been the support I receive from all those around me. Nevertheless, it’s only been a few weeks since and it is very much early days for me to truly say that I’m in recovery just yet, although of course this is my dearest hope. Spring has started, however, and I feel like maybe I’m turing the corner finally,
9th April 2013
The Impact of Actions and behaviour and lessons for the struggle – a personal perspective
Here’s I’m going to draw on once again from direct personal experience as an indicator or indice sample to examine the impact of actions and behaviour on an individual and her inter-relationships within a community of specifc geographic size:
a left wing political party in South Wales from Newport to Carmarthen
(but extending to both mid Wales and Chepstow in a handful
of cases).
(but extending to both mid Wales and Chepstow in a handful
of cases).
Life right now – early spring 2013, Cardiff
Not a day doesn’t go by when I don’t cry no matter how calm and optimistic I otherwise feel.
I have long term eating problems and I’m usually under weight. I do not choose this: this is my natural state at present.
I have long term eating problems and I’m usually under weight. I do not choose this: this is my natural state at present.
I rarely leave the house and each time I do so it is a momentual effort to do so, and only because it is necessary : it’s usually dark and it is to the corner shop to get tabacco, papers and something to eat. Yes, I’m aggrophobic.
These problems are the results of multiple health problems with a wide range of causes indeed. I am currently in group therapy ‘First Steps’ CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) Depression and Anxiety’ programme and I’m signed up to the follow on various group therapy courses provided by the NHS at the Mental Health Unit in Maesycoed, Pontypridd, South Wales. I also receive intermittent one hour personal therapy with my workplace counsellor (I work for a tertiary college based in Cardiff and the Vale / Barry). I was first diagnosed with depression when I was fifteen but it started much younger.
Furthermore, I’m due to attend my first appointment with my case worker at the Sexual Assault Referral Unit based at the Cardiff Royal Infirmery hospital on Newport Road, Cardiff. This is on the fourth of April 2013 at 12pm. This is the result of my report to the clinic of the sexual assault / molestation by an here unnamed Socialist Party male member, at a trade union conference last May.
In mid march of this year I told the advocate who interviewed me when I first reported unnamed assault / molestation that I have previously been attacked before more than once, details I won’t go into here but may return to when I feel strong enough to share such traumatic experiences with the online world. All I can is you try to feel empathy for a woman with a history of sexual abuse at the hands of men and how this is a very painful situation for me.
Worse, this sex criminal’s attack on me re-opened these old, unresolved experiences for me but his attack in itself was too much pain to bear. He betrayed me in the worst way possible. I trusted him not to do it. He VIOLATED both my body and mind (the mind is a part of the body anyway!) in the most personal and intimate way imaginable:
he groped my inner thighs, rubbing and groaning as I shocked
and very frightened did my best to get out of his grip. This pervert
dehumanised me – and my body. He physically revulses me.
and very frightened did my best to get out of his grip. This pervert
dehumanised me – and my body. He physically revulses me.
it hurts like hell every single time I recall it, which is often – often
because I’ve been asked to recount the specific details but there
are many, many other triggers too.
Can I ask men not to grope me, molest me, make unwanted and unasked for sexual advances or not?
Why can’t THEY learn not to stare and lust after women as if it is only his sexuality which exists in this world and that women are subordinate to him, the hetreosexual man?
Is that too much to ask for in the 21st century?
Pretty please with cherries and chocolate on top.
Is it really TOO much to ask that we women are treated as equal human beings?
This discussion has to be based on our under lying political perspectives.
We are firmly opposed to racism, correct?
Why is it ‘different’ with sexism and how do you manage to overlook the fact the two are in fact inter-related, closely connected and inter-linked?
We are firmly opposed to racism, correct?
Why is it ‘different’ with sexism and how do you manage to overlook the fact the two are in fact inter-related, closely connected and inter-linked?
If you tolerate ‘low level’ sexism you create an environment where ‘low level’ racism is tolerated too. No wonder the leaderships of ‘our’ movements, be it in the trade unions, the left parties, the anarchists, the greens, the feminists and so on are overwhelming white, male and old.
It is time enough for this old decayed culture to be overthrown and replaced with the fresh voices of the workers, women and the youth of all colours and all nationalities and all oppressed people everywhere on this planet.
The women’s struggle alongside the socialist struggle, taking up the battle against racism, fasicsm, nationalism, homphobia and divisions between the workers of any kind, is resurging with a vengenence against male capitalist tyranny and oppression and is increasingly anti capitalist and open to the ideas of working class internationalised revolution. Furthermore, in the women’s rights struggle, women will not accept this is how far as it goes in terms of what we can win TODAY – now, the present and not some distant far off ‘communist future’
Whilst global capital continues its gruesome destruction of our lives, the example of the Cypriot workers and youth in surrouding their parliament has forced their gutless capitalist parliament to NOT impose the bank deposit hike this week alone which shows the huge and growing potential for an increasingly globalised mass working class movement to overthrow these capitalist governments of austerity.
In Europe, winning trade union and poltical support for generalised european wide and beyond general strike action – all out if necessary and likely – to follow the lead of our Tunisian, Egyptian, Bulgarian unfinished workers’ revolutions – and overthrown our own capital dictators in Europe.
Recent general strikes have taken place in Tunisia, India Greece, Spain, France, mass protests in Portugal, the mass movement to defend the social goals of the Chavez regime in Venzuela.
The workers movement is growing heroically in the fact of capitalist imperialist counter reaction r.e. Morsi in Egypt, generalised public sector teacher strike action in Lebanon in the face of ethnic division and violence both within Lebannon and neighbouring civil war and ethnic bloodshed in Syria, the ongoing bloodbath of Israeli occupation of Palestine, the Sri Lankan government’s mass murder and persecution of the Tamil people,
French and British imperialist machinations in Mali, the contiuned and unending mass slaughter and rape as a weapon of war in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Then we have the daily drone attacks against the people of Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen or the mass suffering of our african brothers and sisters across the continent and throughout the world. Strikes of mainly women and young workers in Bangladesh to the U.S. Fast food industry strikes in New York and elsewhere.
Above all else, we keenly follow and actively support the heroic struggle of the South African miners and other militant workers and share the delight in the establishment of WASP (Workers and Socialist Party) this march (2013) on the wave of mass strike action following the Markikana massacre where the ANC government, the Communist Party and the NUM (National union of Miners) gave the order to the police to shoot dead unarmed striking miners at the Marikana site in South Africa.
We are always on the side of the oppressed, not the oppresser, no not ever.
When I write about myself I soon leave my story behind because my struggle is one daisy in the growing fertile fields of working class struggle, from which i draw much of my inner strength and to which I pay tribute to in this difficult but hopefully temporary time. Via the revolution! Viva C.W.I.!
Sara, 26 March, 2013
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sakollantai 
Hi Venus thanks very much 😀 I really appreciate your solidarity and good wishes, Sara x
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Sara.
I am shocked that this has happened to you. I cannot even begin to contemplate what you have been, and are going through again now. I can only hope that with support of your friends, family and some more specific help, that you will begin to heal.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. My best to you and hoping you find the emotional peace you deserve.
CJ
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Hi CJ
Thanks you very much for your message of support here. I’m ok as I have a large and growing network of support from friends, family and comrades near and far. Also I’m now getting some specialist support as well. Take care and thanks again comrade, Sara
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I’m so sorry this happened to you sister, and I feel your pain. Thank you for being brave enough to share this. All my good wishes and solidarity, VE
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Thank you so much Venus Envy. From Sara, Jan 2019
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